My student loan gave me Stockholm Syndrome

I have $107 left on what was once a $19,000 student loan. I’d planned to pay it off today, but for some reason…I…am…stalling…

What’s going on here? I figure one of two possibilities is at play.

1) I have Stockholm Syndrome. Perhaps after 13 years of being held hostage by my student loan, I identify more with its hold over me than I do with the freedom I’d have without it. I can honestly say that I NEVER thought I’d pay this bad boy off. I thought we’d be together forever. If I even tried to imagine this very day (TODAY!) when I finally paid the last cent back, I’d force the thought far from my mind. I sincerely believed it wasn’t possible, so why even bother fantasizing about it, right? Because I existed so long in this sorry state (I mean, c’mon 13 YEARS!!!), it’s possible I’m in complete denial that this day has finally and truly come. Or…

2) I’m savouring the moment. Here it is. This Moment. This amazing, glorious moment when I finally no longer owe anyone or anything for my education. It’s my education now. I own it outright. This shinning, bright, sunny-day moment when I have the degrees without the debt is more beautiful than I could have ever imagined. This light, airy moment is my own financial TSN Turning Point; it’s the moment when I can stop looking back at the financial mistakes I’ve made and start looking towards the future at my financial progress and prosperity. This moment might be one of the best in my adult life.

And I want it to last just a little bit longer.


sunrisePhoto: Heather Setka

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8 thoughts on “My student loan gave me Stockholm Syndrome

  1. Congratulations! But seriously, pay it off. Just pay it off. Don’t stall the payment to savor the moment, pushing the final date into April. Pay it off, and schedule an “I’m Debt-free!” party a week out. A get-together, an event, a girls-night or some other celebration that can draw out this feeling for you.

    • I did it! 🙂
      And then I bought myself a lil $25 cotton shift dress to celebrate.
      I wanted the grey one, but the salesgal talked me into a bright pink one. And yes, I must admit this is a bright pink moment.

  2. Jennifer says:

    I’ll be happy when I get to the point of making my final payment. I think when it gets low enough I’ll be looking for ways to pay off the last bit sooner. 🙂

    • You’ll get there, I promise Jennifer.
      It’s funny how long I dragged out the last $1,000. I guess I wanted to savour the moment or something???
      Weird. But here I am.
      And you will be here one day too.
      Best of luck,

  3. Whoot. Embrace your success Heather. Don’t you dare chicken out now woman! Cheers, Karen

    • Thank you Karen!
      I finally did it. I finally sat down and paid it off in full. I feel like an enormous weight levitated off my shoulders. It was scary, because I though I might float away with it.
      But I’m still here…

  4. shaunanagins says:

    This was funny–I like your writing style and outlook!

    Every month, I publish a collection of personal stories/essays on an important subject on my blog’s “Taboo Tab”. The next installment will be “This is My Reality: Financial Futures and Fears.” Would love to read more about your experiences! Take a look, and drop me a line if you’re interested: 🙂

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